5 Annoying Things About Fetish Parties

Bored. That’s the scariest thing that can happen to you at a fetish party. The second scariest thing is… you can easily end up frustrated. Where is this “amazing experience” all FetLife groups were raving about?

Fetish parties aren’t really all that different from regular parties. There is just more nakedness.

But, consider this. Adding any amount of nakedness doesn’t automatically make an experience better. If it wouldn’t work for a Xmas dinner, a shareholder meeting, or a visit to the zoo on a hot day, why would it improve a club event?

Each new element of an experience only creates new opportunities for frustration. At a fetish party all the annoying components of a regular night out remain the same. You’d think that adding sex and nakedness would be a bonus. But, no.

It only generates more occasions for high-class frustration.

Here are a few.


Taste in music should not be a topic of a debate*. Unless of course we’re talking about the preferences of a fetish club DJ. Not everyone likes to get spanked to the Beatles and it’s pretty hard to get into sub space with Lord of the Rings soundtrack as a background tune.

No doubt, it’s hard to chose music to please everyone. But, that’s precisely my point. In a fetish club you have a high chance of *not being pleased* by the choice of music.

While at a regular party the only thing it means you’ll just bob about until the next track comes on, at a kink event a bad tune can destroy your mental sex space.

*Because naturally my music taste is the best.


We think of a night as a sexy time. Darkness has an aura mystery. Add to that some underground activities and the feeling of being a part of a “special, naughty club”. We all get a kick out of it.

But, when the party spaces are hidden in dungeons or behind heavy curtains, we really don’t need to wait until it gets dark to start playing.

Consider this fetish nights’ organisers: at 11pm many of your princesses and princes are already sleepy. It is truly a feat of biology to create sufficient testosterone and estrogen to overcome the build up of melatonin waves. It ends up being pretty hard to prevent falling asleep mid-way through a flogging session.

That is, if you even get access to a cross. Which brings me to…


Promises of “well-equipped dungeons” are usually pretty illusory.

If it was your house, and the equipment was devoted to your poly family (five plus a cat), it could be called well-equipped. However, for an army of starved pervs it’s a little like a finger-food buffet for Muai Thai boxers after training.

To use half a bench you have to wait your turn patiently, like in kindergarten waiting to play with the best fire truck. By the time others finished, you’re not aroused, but probably bored and thinking about building an extension or a new flower bed.


Pretentiousness runs freely in a fetish club, just like outside of it. The number of utensils brought by @DommyDickDuck78, @YourMasterfulKing, and @Her_titties_are_mine* is in inverse proportion to the posessors’ experience using them.

Not having anyone to play with they can only parade around like kings of the sandbox. Cock clashes are imminent, and sadly, it’s not even in a sexy way.

Careful, when one smugly strolls up to you. They might accidentally poke you with a badly held crop.

Entertainment value low, frustration values high.

*names invented.

No persons.

It’s unlikely you’ll meet any one new and cool in a club. That’s no news. It is even more the case in fetish clubs especially for the purpose of play (unless you happen to bond over the LOTR soundtrack).

It’s hard to establish any strong relationship in a short timespan. Unless you have a peer-reviewed questionnaire designed by a psycho-behavioural therapist, you’ll have a low chance of accurately verifying a newly-met person. And, to let another person whip you or let them submit to you, you better have a strong method of verifying their communication style and clarifying their preferences.

If you live in a big city, you know that a process of scheduling even just a 30-minute coffee meeting with one person needs to start four weeks in advance. Making a number of friends appear in the same location, at the same date, and with a more-less equal enthusiasm to play is hard. And that’s even even if you do have more than one kinky friend.

Without a crew people with you, you will have literally nothing to do, other than perving on others or chilling to the LOTR soundtrack wearing PVC. But the latter you can do at home, saving on an uber.